Metro Dude

This is a tough question that I’m not sure I’m qualfied to answer for a couple of reasons, the first and possibly the most important being that I’m a guy, but the second being that I’m a single guy so I don’t even have the benefit of watching one of these creatures up close like a researcher in a zoo can do with chimpanzees or other cute things.

But if I was to make an educated guess about what makes a woman I guess I might have some strong opinions. But where to start is the question?

Do I describe the outer appearance of the perfect woman? Do I try to explain what kind of personality a great woman has? Or do I ignore all of these and look at her behaviour?

In my last post I alluded to the fact that a woman’s behaviour is what confuses a man and makes him less of a man in her eyes, so perhaps in this post I should try to look at what makes a woman less of a woman in a man’s eyes.

So, what is a woman? To some people this might seem like a stupid question, we all know that most of them are just humans with a couple of extra lumps, lacking an essential appendage, they’re usually shorter than us by a few inches although this is often offset by the wearing of high heels which is one of their weapons in the battle of the sexes that they use to trick and then manipulate men to their wily ways.

Men expect women to use their bodies to attract and enslave men, most of us don’t mind this at all, I think the exciting part of knowing a woman is in resisting her charms until we’re ready give in to her.

Now that we’ve got what’s expected out the way, some women break the rules, and this makes them very frustrating creatures to deal with. These are the women I talked about in my last post, you know, the women who break a good man.

But I’m not going to talk about them, I think instead we should talk about real women, the creatures who captivate our attention and make us feel good to be a man.

Real women know how to use their sexuality to get our attention, just enough to get us horny, but not enough to be easy, they know how to play the game, they tease, but they’re not cruel with it. Teasing when you have no intention of following through isn’t nice, but sadly too many women do it.

Real women know how to use their brains to keep our attention, they use intelligence and wit to match us, they use humour to deflect criticism, they understand that sometimes we have a point or something to say and they let us have our moment under the spotlight without shutting down the discussion.

Real women understand that they get emotional, mostly at regularly defined times of the year, about 12 times to be exact, and they understand that they often get emotional at other times as well. Men are mostly ill-equipped to deal with women in these moods and a real woman understands that when she gets emotional she needs to find a friend (preferably another female or a gay guy) who is equipped to deal with her emotional moodiness.

Finally, real women know how to look good all the time without needing 2 hours to shower, pick an outfit, brush her hair, and apply her makeup. These women know that one of the secrets to happiness for themselves and the male in their life is to be better organised. This means planning ahead, so that she knows if she’s expected to be somewhere at a particular time, she can count on starting to get ready no more than an hour before she needs to walk out the door.

Well, there you go, I think that’s a fairly comprehensive examination of what makes a woman a woman. Care to comment?

When is a man a man? That’s a question I asked myself a few days ago when one of the lady bloggers I often drop in on, ooh that sounds really wicked, love ya sweetie, anyway her latest post rehashes some comments me and another blogger had on one of her posts that had a quote from Katherine Hepburn.

Here’s the quote;

“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.”

Anyway I spouted some shite about women never being happy, that maybe what they really want is a remote controlled man and they can just tap a button and we become attentive and loving, tap another button and we turn into assholes who just want to go to the pub, of course knowing women they’d want the full remote that let them tune us men to their specific need at that time.

So here I am sitting in my little apartment, not really paying much attention to their ramblings and gossiping when I chance upon her blog again and this time she’s saying she now totally believes the whole men are from mars, women are from venus thing.

For crying out loud, what do women want from a man, why can we not just be ourselves, why do we always have to the perfect man that a woman wants us to be? Is it not enough to be a man anymore, do we now need to be part man and part woman?

OK, enough is enough, let me tell you what I think, and it won’t be pretty.

Right, I’m proud to be a modern man, I take care of myself, I shower everyday, I even cut my fingernails and if they’re a bit rough I might file them to take off the edge. I don’t mind dressing nice, but I do it for me, not for someone else. I’m not one of those beer bellied yobs who goes around staring at women’s breasts, but at the same time if somebody picks a fight I’m going to hit him right back and I’ll keep hitting till he gets the message. I think I’m a normal modern guy.

In a relationship I think I strike a fine balance between looking after my girlfriend but I also need time with my pals and I’ll not let any woman deny me that. That seems pretty straight forward does it not?

Well, if it seems pretty straight forward why do we get the feeling the only guys a woman will ever talk about wanting are the right dicks that cheat on them, stand them up, or even give them a slap around. Meanwhile the nice guys who try to look after their girlfriend are always told they’re too easy to push around and the girl just wants a man to stand up to her. Then when he’s had enough of being pushed around she accuses him of not being able to talk to her about her emotions, and be there to support her when she has her period.

For fuck sake women, some of us guys actually want a normal healthy relationship with a bit of give or take. I for one am a bit sick of these women who want both. Look, grow up, when you get a man who wants to look after you don’t push him around till he leaves. Don’t treat the nice guys like shite, believe it or not when push comes to shove most of us will step between you and someone with a knife or a gun, but that doesn’t mean we have to be tough pricks all the time.

And if you’re lucky enough to keep us around long enough to start a family most of us want to be good fathers so don’t push us away with this crap that we don’t stand up to you or give you enough attention.

I must say, I feel so much better after that little rant, thank you Inspired, now, care to comment?

I know this is really naughty of me to talk about a legal case before it properly gets to court, but it’s been reported on Reuters and she went on the “Today” show so I guess if they’re going to have me up for contempt I’ll be in good company.

Here’s what happened. A woman in America was doing something with a Victoria’s Secret thong (let’s call it a g-string) and a clip that held a little gem in place did something and got her in the eye. The photo you see here is the only thong I could find on the VS site that actually had little gem studs BTW.

Well she had to go get medical help but now she’s suing Victoria’s Secret for some unknown amount of money in a product liability lawsuit.

OK, so you’re all with me so far are you? Pretty boring stuff really, and you’re wondering why I’ve bothered mentioning it. Well, you see the first thought that went through my mind is this seems like a fairly unlikely story, I would have thought you’d have to be a bit closer to the action for  one of those things to get you in the eye. I mean just look at the picture and imagine the physics involved. Those gems are pointing away from her, not up to her eye.

So, in my mind I’m thinking to myself, how did this woman get so close to her own underwear for this to happen, is she a contortionist, or was there another person in the room, perhaps someone else who was wearing the g-string? Aye, when you see it this way it makes a lot more sense.

And of course if she was with a man, well neither of them would want it getting out he was wearing Victoria’s Secret underwear, and if she was with another woman, well they might still not want the truth getting out.

So, do we have any lingerie experts who could verify my theory? Has anybody got any practical experience either way to suggest how this could happen? Would any of my lady readers care to send a photo of themselves trying out the kind of contortions that would be required to get pinged in the eye by those tricky little gems?

Another one specifically for the ladies, and if this is what happens to a guy who wears Tom Ford, well grab me by the wallet and lead me to the cash register.

Source: Models.com 50 Top Male Models