When is a man a man?
When is a man a man? That’s a question I asked myself a few days ago when one of the lady bloggers I often drop in on, ooh that sounds really wicked, love ya sweetie, anyway her latest post rehashes some comments me and another blogger had on one of her posts that had a quote from Katherine Hepburn.
Here’s the quote;
“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.”
Anyway I spouted some shite about women never being happy, that maybe what they really want is a remote controlled man and they can just tap a button and we become attentive and loving, tap another button and we turn into assholes who just want to go to the pub, of course knowing women they’d want the full remote that let them tune us men to their specific need at that time.
So here I am sitting in my little apartment, not really paying much attention to their ramblings and gossiping when I chance upon her blog again and this time she’s saying she now totally believes the whole men are from mars, women are from venus thing.
For crying out loud, what do women want from a man, why can we not just be ourselves, why do we always have to the perfect man that a woman wants us to be? Is it not enough to be a man anymore, do we now need to be part man and part woman?
OK, enough is enough, let me tell you what I think, and it won’t be pretty.
Right, I’m proud to be a modern man, I take care of myself, I shower everyday, I even cut my fingernails and if they’re a bit rough I might file them to take off the edge. I don’t mind dressing nice, but I do it for me, not for someone else. I’m not one of those beer bellied yobs who goes around staring at women’s breasts, but at the same time if somebody picks a fight I’m going to hit him right back and I’ll keep hitting till he gets the message. I think I’m a normal modern guy.
In a relationship I think I strike a fine balance between looking after my girlfriend but I also need time with my pals and I’ll not let any woman deny me that. That seems pretty straight forward does it not?
Well, if it seems pretty straight forward why do we get the feeling the only guys a woman will ever talk about wanting are the right dicks that cheat on them, stand them up, or even give them a slap around. Meanwhile the nice guys who try to look after their girlfriend are always told they’re too easy to push around and the girl just wants a man to stand up to her. Then when he’s had enough of being pushed around she accuses him of not being able to talk to her about her emotions, and be there to support her when she has her period.
For fuck sake women, some of us guys actually want a normal healthy relationship with a bit of give or take. I for one am a bit sick of these women who want both. Look, grow up, when you get a man who wants to look after you don’t push him around till he leaves. Don’t treat the nice guys like shite, believe it or not when push comes to shove most of us will step between you and someone with a knife or a gun, but that doesn’t mean we have to be tough pricks all the time.
And if you’re lucky enough to keep us around long enough to start a family most of us want to be good fathers so don’t push us away with this crap that we don’t stand up to you or give you enough attention.
I must say, I feel so much better after that little rant, thank you Inspired, now, care to comment?
Comments
Comment from Carl
Time: June 29, 2008, 3:38 pm
Holy crap Matt, tell it like you mean it why don’t you? Sheesh I can’t wait to see what sort of comments you get from your ‘lady bloggers’, I’d be willing to bet it won’t be pretty. We might have to stop being friends for a few days just in case the other half reads this. I bet she won’t be happy and ou know you’re going to get an email telling you all about it
Comment from nicole||Inspire Emotion
Time: June 29, 2008, 3:46 pm
Okay, I’ve thought about it. Matt, women are just a pain in the derriere, now aren’t we? God forbid we should want a man who is both strong and kind, able to meet us as equals, unwilling to be put in a role that is less than equal.
And, if that is what we want, we are told that we “prefer the bad boys”, that we want someone to beat on us, that we simply like it like that.
Huh.
Comment from nicole||Inspire Emotion
Time: June 29, 2008, 3:47 pm
Now get your derrieres over to my blog, and comment! I started all this, damn it! 
Comment from Rachel
Time: June 29, 2008, 4:00 pm
Ok, I have always said there is a difference between a real nice guy and a guy that just thinks he is a “nice guy”. Take for example my ex-husband. He would TELL ME that he wanted me to make his decisions for him. Give me the “you know what I like” speech all the time. So I would make his decisions, buy food I knew he liked and in general told him what to do even though that really wasn’t what I wanted. He would get pissy with me all the damn time about it too. I would decide something but it would be not what he really wanted or for whatever reason didn’t want me telling him what to do at that particular moment. It got old real fast. I started hating who I was when I was with him. He would also do lots of things for other random strangers that he would not do for me. He already had me so he didn’t have to try anymore. This is one of the reasons we are no longer together. Now I am sure there may be someone out there that would find my ex perfect for her but I am not this person.
Now I have another friend who really is a nice guy. He treats all people with respect, opens doors for people, doesn’t cheat, doesn’t hit, volunteers and does a host of all kinds of really nice things. He is smart, funny and doesn’t whine about anything. He makes his own decisions about what he likes and wants. He calls me on my shit when I am acting stupid. I do the same for him. I would marry this man tomorrow if he asked me. He loves me and wants to be with me but thinks that I need to fix my situation before we get into a relationship. He wants me to be the best person I can be. I neither feel the need nor want to tell this man what to do all the time. I love that he has confidence in himself without being an asshole.
So to me the difference between a “nice guy” and a guy that is nice is that one does it for what they can get out of it and the other does it just to be nice. No rewards other than truly caring about people.
I don’t know about other women but I don’t want a jerk that will cheat on me and act all overly macho. I also don’t want a man who can’t take care of himself. There is a happy medium in there. If men expect women to be beautiful, great cooks and good in bed then I can expect a non jerky non wimpy guy. I don’t even care much how he looks as long as he has true respect for people, some intelligence and a sense of humor.
I know there are women out there who act like you are talking about but not all of us are like that. It is just sometimes you have to go through some duds before you find the right one. I also think that women in their 20’s often don’t really get it yet. They don’t have the experience yet to know what they want from a man. Sometimes you have to have a bad relationship before you know that isn’t what you want. I am glad I was with my ex because now I know that I truly don’t want that type of relationship again.
Sorry I rambled.
Comment from admin
Time: June 29, 2008, 4:16 pm
Em, no need to apologise for rambling, at least you have the balls (sorry) to speak your mind. Your point about men expecting women to be beautiful etc is a good one, and I suppose you’ve got the right to want something in return.
Comment from Jules
Time: June 29, 2008, 7:21 pm
Damn! Right in the middle of my lecture I pushed the wrong button and it all went away.
Let me start in the middle.
From the cave man days women pick men who are strong protectors and good providers.
Men picked women who could bear they children by large mammary glands and wide hips. (hence Barbie was born)
Once we burned our bras and were able to vote we decided we didn’t have to take his shit any longer and we could get our own job.
Hahahah
Seriously, If ya want honesty. Here it is.
Who the hell knows what we want. We all to often pick a partner based on physical attraction (I’m being honest here) and if that all works out fabulous we move on to deciding if we are compatible. You know the big questions like, Do you want to settle down, do ya want children, what religion are you, do we hang in the same social circles? If ya get past that, factor in politics, extended families, interfering friends, blah blah blah.
Nobody said it would be easy. If you are willing to work at it, find someone you share most of the above mentioned things with, are honest with them 80% of the time, and for the love of GOD give them space.. you can make it.
If you are selfish and expect the other person to make you happy and put all your effort in to finding out why they do or don’t react in ways you expect, then you are never going to be happy and will make them miserable.
Luckily for hubby I am a catch! I was raised with 6 brothers, love sports, love cars, and can hold my own in a pinch. I like these qualities in my husband:
1. He’s quiet. He lets me ramble on in the morning when he just wants to drink his coffee and watch the news.
2. When I came home crying my eyes out about my boss and I having a huge fight, his first response was “Do I need to kick his ass?”
3. He takes very good care of himself, for himself. He is not an ego-maniac.
4. He loves animals as much as I do.
5. He treats everyone with respect. When a waiter messes up his order, he insists it’s ok and wont let them feel bad.
What I don’t like?
1. He’s not big on buying gifts for BD or Christmas (would rather just give me cash) It would be nice to be surprised with anything he thought reminded him of me.
2. He doesn’t like doing big family get togethers. Hello? I am one of 8 kids.
3. He loves porn. Yep. Porn. I fought it and fought it. I give.
4. He won’t take me out on the weekend or special occasions because he hates the crowd. (I think I’m worth it)
5.He thinks everything is a conspiracy. No matter how far fetched the idea is, he thinks George Bush manipulated so many things.. (I know GW is a horrid president I just do give him credit for everything that happens to be bad)
That may have been way off base Matt, but it’s what came to mind.
I wish I could be as witty as you are.
Good Lord your post made me laugh out loud.
You did piss me off with the reference to a womans period!!
Good God man it’s 2008!
Nobody does that anymore. bahahahahahah just joking
Comment from Suzanne
Time: June 29, 2008, 9:29 pm
You make it sound as if having a “woman” or girlfriend is akin to tending a flock of sheep … something to “look after.” Perhaps some women would be satisfied being looked after, but I think many women are looking for a relationship with more depth to it than that.
Comment from admin
Time: June 29, 2008, 9:37 pm
I don’t think I’m going to comment on women’s blogs anymore, I’m being attacked for having an opinion
Comment from Jules
Time: June 29, 2008, 9:55 pm
Now Matt…
When would you ever complain about being attacked by women? 
I just wanted to add some spice! You know I think you’re fun for S&G!
bah
Comment from Kathy@brazoscowgirl
Time: June 29, 2008, 10:55 pm
Wow Matt I am thinking you are brilliant! Okay maybe it is just me but you are on the road to figuring out that woman are so complicated you might just give up trying. Quit while you are ahead. Honestly you make sense right up until I see what kind of pictures you like! Too funny when you think about. Women are a different species, and some of us are truly worth the effort. Others are honestly a pain the butt.
Jules sent me here. blame her!
I have watched women that should have been left decades before. Basically you are hoping to marry a woman not a girl. Somebody that allows you to be you. I am too old and ugly for that, plus I have this guy called Hubby. But believe me there are real women out there for the taking!
Comment from admin
Time: June 30, 2008, 6:47 am
Jules, well being attacked by women isn’t much fun unless you can visualise them in sexy lingerie, the verbal kind I don’t know how to handlebut I could be really smart and say that I’m one of the good guys who isn’t afraid to let a woman speak her mind and not argue back at her
Kathy, thanks for stopping by, I agree there are some great women out there, maybe I should write a followup post about when is a woman a woman?
Comment from evilwoobie
Time: June 30, 2008, 2:11 pm
Men are partners, and yes they shouldn’t be too tough all the time. Women need support emotionally and so do men. I like the give and take thing. You know your thing.
I end this comment with a quote: “Why should I get a man when I have a vibrator. it doesn’t need to be cared for, it doesn’t get jealous… it just needs batteries.”
That a woman loves a man is a wonderful thing. Be thankful we even bother.
Comment from admin
Time: June 30, 2008, 2:59 pm
LOL, thanks evil woobie, I read somewhere once that in a few years women won’t even need men for children anymore. I think the article said men are basically about to become extinct. I don’t want to be extinct!
Comment from Jules
Time: July 1, 2008, 12:32 pm
Hey Matt….
I hope you know we were just having fun. We weren’t trying to be mean or torch ya.
You’re comment to evil woobie was funny, because in my first response that my computer locked up on I referenced the same thing about women not needing men to have a baby. I was afraid it made me sound like a man hater so I didn’t include it when I had to rewrite my response! hahahahah My hubby says women who are too toough on guys are ball-breakers! I don’t want that label~
BTW my maiden name is Mullins and my ancestry is Scotch-Irish. (Reddish brown hair, green eyes, freckles). My brother and I want to plan a trip to Scotland and Ireland one day.
Comment from nicole||Inspire Emotion
Time: July 1, 2008, 2:00 pm
Evil Woobie said: ““Why should I get a man when I have a vibrator. it doesn’t need to be cared for, it doesn’t get jealous… it just needs batteries.” That a woman loves a man is a wonderful thing. Be thankful we even bother. :D”
LMAO!
Comment from Christi MacNelly
Time: July 1, 2008, 3:31 pm
Well I’m pretty sure that women don’t always know what they want. If we were all honest we would admit that. That doesn’t mean we don’t always know, just not always.
Sometimes it’s not our fault. Some are raised by fathers who weren’t loving and affectionate. So thye grow up wanting to be treated “like a lady”, but then don’t know how to handle it. Hence the reason for needing to date a prick.
Others have fathers that treated them like queens, so no man stands a chance matching those needs. But on the other hand, there are men that are raised as the center of attention and expect women to fall all over them or others that are not given enough affection and end up stalker material.
Some women need to let their men be men, some men treat women like idiots. Women don’t need a daddy in their men and if your man wanted to be with someone who had bigger balls than him, he would swing the other way.
I have abilities, strengths and a brain. I can do a lot of things my husband can’t. He however also has abilities, strengths and wisdom that I can learn from. That makes us equal but different! What’s wrong with that? We have 5 sons and raising them to, love God, respect others, treat women right and work hard has been a thrilling ride. What I think it all boils down to is mutual respect. Unfortunately that seems to come with age and experience.
Matt, good luck finding your equal but different woman!
Comment from asithi
Time: July 1, 2008, 4:19 pm
Believe it or not, but I actually side with Matt. My younger brother has the exact same problem with the women he is dating. And I seriously believe that most of the women he is dating are”‘girls” in disguise. I believe that there are “men” who will always be “boys” and “women” who will always be “girls.” These are not the people that can handle a normal mature relationship.
I have a new co-worker, that acts and sounds like a little girl and she is 24. She is trying to make friends at work so they can have “dress alike” days and claps her hands and says “yeah” when she does something right. This woman is an engineer like me. I would not want to work on any project with her. Granted, she is an extreme case, but she will always be a girl.
Comment from Kathy@brazoscowgirl
Time: July 2, 2008, 1:19 am
Matt,
Thanks for leaving up the eye candy! Geez I hope you didn’t take me seriously! I am of Scottish descent as well, Duncan was my grandfather. I do think a lot of men are having your problem. My son dated a girl that was ” a baby”, it was very hard for him. He really wanted to have fun but with a companion. In college maybe he will find a girl not over spoiled.
Nope you need a woman! She is out there, I just don’t know her name!
Comment from Rachel
Time: July 3, 2008, 9:08 am
I do have to wonder about men and women who keep ending up with people that screw them over. You are the common factor in this equation. Do you ever wonder if maybe it is that you keep getting attracted to the wrong people? Go out with someone that isn’t your usual type and you might be surprised.
Comment from nicole||Inspire Emotion
Time: June 29, 2008, 3:10 pm
Um, Matt, lol, I’m still on my 2nd cup of Starbucks. I need to think about this.