Matt’s Blog

Ouch, Scotland’s national musical instrument, the Bagpipes, have been declared a danger to the environment because the timber used to make the chanter and drones is from the endangered African Blackwood tree.

Well now, this is no good, how can us Scot’s tolerate a situation where one of our national symbols is contributing to the extinction of a precious tree?

So a conservation group known as Fauna & Flora International (FFI) is now encouraging Scot’s pipers to mount a rescue mission, first by getting Scots to recognise there is a problem, and then by helping to create a sustainable economy for African Blackwood by planting new forests.

Well excuse me, I don’t think the African Blackwood is going to be a terribly successful import into Scotland, call me stupid if you will, but I can’t see a tree that takes that thrives in dry conditions liking our wet soil very much.

Now if we were like other big former colonial powers we could just bully our way back into one of the countries where this tree grows and that would be that, except the only colony Scotland ever had was on the north coast of America, coincidentally enough, also in a cold place with wet soil.

So I guess we’re left with option of doing what Scottish explorers were so good at doing back in the 19th century, bartering with the locals for a bit of land in exchange for something they want. Aye, but what?

I don’t think it would be politically correct to give them guns, whisky, or blankets anymore, and Scotland has no money, och I know, we’ll teach them to play the pipes to an African beat. Then we can trade pipes for timber. Bloody genius I am.

Picture from Bagpipe Store